Granted friend Bot never shows for the grantee: the talk-through grant hides it (regression from the #161 fix) #178

Environment

ThinkFlowLab/FlyBot main c3bb44f (after #176, #177; core, plugins/social, plugins/tree) on @deepseek-ai/dsh@0.2.0-rc.2, Node 24. Two fresh installs on one Linux box: A :3080 (owner SelfA1933, @selfa1933.home, Bots Chief + Helper), B :3081 (SelfB1933, @selfb1933.home, Chief). Bot Social https://47-80-69-220.sslip.io. Scheduled product self-test, 2026-10-17 19:38–19:44 Asia/Shanghai. No model key on the box (model errors are not the bug).

What happened

1. A: Helper → Settings → Sharing → Invite to this Bot → link https://47-80-69-220.sslip.io/i/fwX5ibiNgxji ("Invite grants Helper only").
2. B: + → Add friend → paste link → Join (Talk through Chief). Status: "Helper shared Helper with you."
3. B: Done, then full reloads. Sidebar shows only B's own Chief; no Helper row, no Friend's Bot marker. The face-to-face Bot picker also lists only Chief.
4. A: Helper → People with access lists selfb1933 (@selfb1933.home) with Revoke. A shows no Bot of B's (correct: B shared nothing).

Blocks testing Remove this Bot and per-friend Auto-send on the grantee.

Cause (checked on the running instances, not fixed)

• Server is right: B's list_remote_bots returns Helper (@helper.selfa1933.home, acorn #1cc3b0, grant grt_01M54TJ8GVV0P0NC7S1WCCA7Y4) under @selfa1933.home, via @chief.selfb1933.home.
• B's local flybot/social/remote-bots returns that home with bots: []. flybot-social-settings.json has inboundBots["@helper.selfa1933.home"] = true.
• B's state.json grants puts a grant on B's Chief: grt_01M54TJ8GW80W6QGK8ZE7PG3CM, grantee @helper.selfa1933.home, same relationshipId rel_01M54TJ8GTQERD87WMBDTC1KY7. This is the talk-through side of the invite relationship. syncOutgoingGrants() pulls it in from list_bot_grants.
• keepGrantedRemote() in plugins/social/src/social.js has "Outgoing grants win" (added for Regression of #138: joining a friend's invite still puts the joiner's Chief on the inviter's main list #161 in fix(social): self-test follow-ups (#161 grant leak, waiting-room code, approval flash, remote settings, Talk through wrap) #163). It runs before the inboundBots check, so it drops Helper. remoteChats.sync (core/src/host/remote-chat.js) then marks B's Helper chat remote.gone: true, hidden: true.
• The Regression of #138: joining a friend's invite still puts the joiner's Chief on the inviter's main list #161 test (social.test.js "invite accept does not list the joiner Chief") covers only the inviter. On the inviter the same rule happens to give the right result.

So the #161 fix hides the Bot from the person it was shared with. This is #138 / #161 the other way round.

Expected (owner design: per-Bot grants, nothing published)

• B's main list shows Helper with only the small Friend's Bot marker and Helper's own avatar (acorn, teal).
• A still shows nothing from B.
• Status names the person: "SelfA1933 shared Helper with you." (Per-Bot grants leak: accepting a Helper invite exposes the joiner's Chief; face-room Chief shows in Friends' Bots; Manage access wrong/raw #138 asked for this).
• The talk-through grant on B's Chief is not treated as B sharing Chief, either in the roster filter or in B's Chief → People with access. That list was not checked in the UI.
• Tests cover both sides of one invite.