A held outgoing Bot Social message is invisible when the friend's chat is hidden; the sender's chat shows it as sent #371

Problem

A Bot Social hold (pending_approval) on an outgoing message is invisible to its owner when the chat it is addressed to is not in the list. Found on a Mac (a Bot, 测试工程师, replying to a friend home's Chief):

• Bot Social held the reply (its DLP flagged "commitment language", see DLP commitment regex is too broad for Chinese: bare 保证 / 一定会 hold ordinary replies Birfy/bot-social#13). flybot/approvals is [], because a Bot Social hold is not a FlyBot approval.
• The social plugin's dock (chatApprovals.setProvider / ChatApprovalDock) shows a hold only in the chat of the remote Bot it is addressed to (matched on bot.remote.handle). That friend's Chief chat is hidden in the roster, so there is no chat to hold the card.
• A local Bot's hold is shown in its own chat only when no friend chat exists (approvalsForOpenChat: !friendChatOf(roster, item.to)), but a hidden or gone friend chat still counts as "exists". And a Bot Social hold carries no local Bot id at all (only local FlyBot holds set fromId).
• The "waiting for the owner" note is suppressed for 1:1 chats (postChatNote(..., { chats: false }), Chat shows raw 'Tool removed: ask_user_question' cell (remainder of #140; DSH core cell) #140).
• The sender's own chat shows the reply as if it was sent.

Result: the reply never leaves, nothing says why, and there is nothing to click.

Expected

• Every pending outbound_message hold is shown to the owner: in the sender Bot's chat when the friend's chat is hidden, gone, or not open (still one place per approval, Approvals: stale 'waiting for the owner' line in Face-to-face rooms; one place per approval; pointer vs open chat #278: the friend's chat when it is listed).
• The sender Bot's row shows the wait badge.
• The sender's chat says it is held and why, in plain words from the hold's reasons (dlp.commitment → "contains a commitment (保证…)", phone, email, money, calendar details, owner terms), instead of looking sent.
• Held text stays on the approval card; the bubble only says it waits (earlier decision, Face-to-face join/waiting/leave polish: silent disabled Join, frozen countdown, waiting card twice, Leave next to Auto-send and unconfirmed in waiting, held lines shown twice #306).

Related: #254, #258, #278, #336 (inbound refusal is silent). Bot Social side: Birfy/bot-social#13.